The Shadows

“Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,”

 

WE Henley’s words have hit me this year in a way I could never have imagined. Maybe because it’s the first time I’ve in my life that I’ve found enough reason and circumstance to look into the eyes of the man in the mirror.

I’ve spent much of my life trying to give other people strength and encouragement in every area of their life. Finding ways to push people into the spotlight I feel they deserve for themselves. Trying to engineer a mind-set for other people so that they may be self-sufficient and empowered and in doing so realise the power they have within themselves.

 
The irony of this situation is that the spotlight and success I’m so good at getting for other people (who are deserving of it, in my most humble of opinions), but it is something I’ve lacked within my own personal endeavours. My default has been to remove the focus of success from myself and shift it to other people so I never have to deal with the fear of failure I have, and probably more frightening or taboo for me, the fear I have of succeeding beyond the acceptable expectations of success that my background and society has of me (according to my perception).

Now this isn’t all about me. But I know that if I’m feeling this way, then there are loads of people who are dealing with the same sort of Shadows in their minds. These Shadows will enter your psyche at different stages. Under different circumstances. Around different people. Try as you might to change the people around you, the place you live, training partners, colleagues, lovers, jobs, whatever! These doubts (whatever they are) are still going to be there. For one reason alone; YOU ARE STILL THE SAME YOU.

 

That’s not to say you shall be permanently fucked by your SELF PERCEIVED, and or emotionally programmed hang-ups. You are more than capable of evolving into the person/athlete/business tycoon you want to be. You are more than capable. No, I’m not a shining example of turning my life around. I’m still pretty messed up. But I can attest to the fact that you are capable of starting to be the best version of yourself possible. The choice you need to make is a simple one: we all need to identify what it actually is that is scaring us about ourselves or our lives. Be honest about that one. If you don’t then you’ll never really understand what it is you’re changing about yourself. And if you aren’t doing it for yourself, then you have no chance in hell of achieving self-appreciation.

Coz that’s what we’re all after right? Being happy with ourselves and what we want from life for ourselves? At this time I want to be as well prepared for the competition I have in 9 days as possible. Preparation is so much more mental than physical. If I didn’t make it ok in my mind for me to be good enough to compete there then I would be nowhere. I know I’m not the finished article in any way, but this (life) is a journey of preparation and understanding of and for yourself. Be honest about understanding the journey you’re on and I believe you’ll find so much more to enjoy along the way.

 

“I thank whatever Gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.”  

 

Coz that’s all you actually got in life. What do you want for your soul?

Stop holding yourself back.